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  • Philip Bryer

The Things We Do For Pets

Ringing phone

1. On leaving for work, we used to put the radio on for the dog (Heidi, an Airedale Terrier.)

Of course this presumed that Heidi had no objection to hearing Radio 2 for approximately 40 hours a week, and without the option of turning off Jeremy Vine or Steve Wright or indeed Chris Evans.

Note to the RSPCA: Heidi departed some years ago to begin a new life with a kindly farmer and his wife.

2. My wife used to call the home 'phone several times during the course of the day.

In theory, when the 'phone rang Heidi would leap up, run around, and bark for a bit. Thus getting a bit of daytime exercise.

3. I used to make breakfast for Heidi.

Now, let me explain. After the time that Heidi piled into the copious and revolting leftovers of an instant porridge thing called Hot Crumbly (for which a twisted and evil genius at Kellogg's may have been responsible), it seemed rather mean to leave it in the larder or sling it out just because none of the household's two-legs could stand it.

The nett result of this? Preparing an individual breakfast for a dog which quickly became attuned to the ping of the microwave. And denying that I did so for years afterwards.

That's just three. I'm sure Mrs B will remind me of others. Of course, if you have any...

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